By John J Kirkwood
There is a species of eagle that mates for life and when the female is looking for a mate she will swoop down to the ground and pick up a rock and then fly back into the air, usually with two to three suitors circling her. She climbs as high as she can and then drops the rock. The male that she chooses will be the one that catches the rock on his back in midair. When he does, he’s proven to her that he’d be a worthy mate who would not drop their eaglet when they’re teaching him to fly. Sometimes, the animal kingdom can be infinitely wiser than our own. Here are five things to watch out for when choosing the right eagle, ladies!
#1 – AN AWOL PRIESTHOOD
Many of our failures as fathers are cloaked to the public, known only to those in the immediate family, but there is a particular day each week where the failure of a father is actually tangible – on display for all to see.
The world judges a man’s worth by what he does Monday thru Friday but the real test of a man is what he does on Sunday. Wives, if Sunday is his new Saturday and the lawn, the fishing pole, the honey-do list, or Starbucks and the New York Times are his priority, you married a loser.
It matters but little that he’s thoughtful, generous and a good listener; if he’s not fulfilling God’s call of spiritual leader in the home, he’s a spiritual dead-beat dad. That’s right, it doesn’t matter if your husband is a good provider, a legendary lover, a father who buys organic food, braces for Sissy’s overbite, and even gets the kids into Harvard; you’ve married a man that is clueless about the most important relationship that he has to his kids. A father is God’s agent to bring children to maturity and purity – to nurture their spirit. If dad has been distracted by caring merely for their body and soul, his children go into this world ill-prepared to tackle the real pressing issues, and unprepared to stand before the throne of God.
I’m not saying that being in church every time the doors are open is proof of his spiritual capacity; any man who is not caught by his children at least two or three times a week pouring over the Scriptures, is probably not legit. But the man who has ignored spiritual education altogether has taught his children that mammon, fishing, or the NFL are life’s top priorities and the odds are – they will follow his lead and wallow in a life of distraction. The first priority of a father is to be the spiritual leader in the home.
#2 – LOVELESS MARRIAGE
The next major failure for fathers is neglect of their wives. I know this column is about fathers not husbands, but to God they’re an inseparable weave. In the Bible, the two greatest expressions of God’s love for his people are the models of God as “Father” and Christ as “Bridegroom.” In a letter that Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, he tells husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it.” That means that the husband is to be the initiator of love in the relationship and that it should be a sacrificial, unconditional love.
Most men view their marriage like an old hunting trip – it was a rush when they were in the hunt, but once they bagged their prey and the ring was on her finger, it’s off to the taxidermy and then the den. Men mount their marriages on a wall only to regard it once in a while in passing. A Christian man should be the best lover in the world – attentive as he is creative, and constantly about the art of woo. Romance is not something that happens in bed, (though it may end up there), it begins in the mindset, it is best premeditated, and it’s an everyday adventure.
The Apostle Paul went on to say that the love of the husband toward the wife, as Christ toward his church, has a distinct purpose, – “that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
We get it backwards here in modern America, the bride shows up at the wedding “glorious, unspotted, unwrinkled, and without blemish,” but if we were to follow God’s reckoning, she’d show up like My Fair Lady and end up years later like the Disney princess. And the husband would play a significant spiritual role in bringing that about.
A good father will be a model to his daughter of the type of man that she is to look for in a mate and he’ll be the type of father that will put the fear of death and dismemberment in any young suitor who may be confused about desire and intention. A good father will model to his son the type of a man that will revere God, honor authority, punish bullies, respect adults, and woo a woman worthy of bearing his last name.
#3 BEST FRIENDS AND DRILL SERGEANTS
You are not your child’s best friend, not in the formative years anyway. Even “The Prodigal Son” knew that he’d have to live like Hell in “a far country,” and not under his father’s roof. The home is a nest and it’s a haven, but it is never a dorm room.
Many fathers in our day neglect to discipline their children either out of apathy or because they’ve become men without chests, brow-beaten by feminazis.
Discipline is an act of love and a crucial element, not of raising children but of raising God-honoring, freedom-loving men and women. As the great Colonel R.B. Thieme Jr. once said, “You don’t spoil a child by giving him things, you spoil a child by withholding discipline.”
If your son mouths off to “his mother” remind him that “Mom was my wife before she was your mother; if you talk to my girl like that again, you’ll need the Fire Department and the Jaws of Life to retract my size 13 from your gluteus-maximus.”
Discipline, however, is not punishment. Punishment, when it is controlled, understood, and necessary, may be an aspect of discipline, but God did not inspire The Great Santini. If your kids see you as either their best friend or their Gunny Sergeant, then you’ve failed miserably at parenting.
We are on the threshold of celebrating a day that says “I have the best dad in the world,” and nobody reacts to that with animus. But when it comes to saying that our fathers were exceptional in the manner in which they planned, built, and fought for this country, then all of a sudden you’re a xenophobe for mentioning it. I don’t think so!
The root of the word for patriot is pater – father. The love of one’s country is the love of one’s fathers. America is exceptional because our fathers trusted God. And when America forgets God or treats Him as an enemy, America will cease to be exceptional. As you’ve seen from the above, a father’s main role is to teach his children how to love. Whether it be their God, their parents, the right man or woman, or their country, a father who doesn’t instruct in how to love is negligent.
And remember dads, Bonhoeffer was a great German because he was a great Christian.
#5 HOT HOUSE FLOWERS
Not just fathers but most parents make the mistake of raising their children like hot-house flowers. It is one thing to shield your child from unnecessary vulgarity and information that may not be age appropriate, but it’s quite another to shelter them from reality. Ever see what happens to a hot-house flower when it is taken into a cold Chicago blizzard? It doesn’t last long. Life is more like Chicago weather then it is living in a self-contained, germ-free bubble.
It’s been said that “The Godly parent prepares the child for the road not the road for the child.” The father that shields Jr and Sissy from every dark cloud thinks himself holier than God, for even God didn’t remove the tree or the serpent from the midst of the Garden.
Allow your children to be “tried” but not “tempted.” The difference between God and the Devil is that Satan will tempt you to fail but God will never try you if you aren’t capable of success. Groom your children to think critically and as soon as they show maturity, give them more leash. With greater responsibility comes greater growth and capacity.
That’s it dad – you are to be a warrior-priest, a fighter and a lover. Don’t allow culture to guide you, follow the example of great men, utilize resources to refine the “art of dad” and never stop with your continuing education. Be the first to hug and the last to get off the phone. Admonish, rebuke, even chastise but never provoke. Among all else, love until it hurts. It will, but it’ll be worth it.
And always remember to act happy when you unwrap the tie or the Aqua Velva. Happy Father’s Day!